Growing up, i always used to read a lot of articles like – things to do
before you turn 30, financial decisions to do before turning 30, blah blah.
you get the idea. Anyways, so I made a list of things which I wish
someone had told me before I was 30.
As the days got closer my mind was filled with anxiety, because turning 30 is sort of a big deal. I know a lot of people will tell that its just a number but I was made to believe that it is so much more than that. It’s a number where you will be judged if you do not follow society norms and me being the unique trendsetter I consider myself to be, decided to focus on my happiness and self awareness so I decided to write and share with you what all I learnt these years.
Disclaimer – this in no means is something you need to believe in , but its based on my experience and posting it in hope that it might help someone too!
1. Abandon the notion that self-care is selfishness – Growing up, some people called me selfish, Everyone had their reasons but what i understood out of it is, that this word does not define me, It’s their projection about me and my choice on how to perceive it.
2. Make your well being a priority – No one makes efforts for your well being except your parents! Yep read that again, that is the truth. Even friends, no matter how much they love and care about you, sometimes they all get busy and are human. You have the right to expect only from yourself with regards to your mental, emotional and physical health.
3. Learn to be at peace with silence. – This was a big one. I always had trouble with silence, It made me feel abandoned but I realized that it also means being at peace with the right choices.
4. Observe how you compare yourself to others and in what ways – I always felt I was never beautiful or intellectual enough and I used to push myself trying to fit in different groups which always used to make me anxious and restless. This is a habit I am still learning to let go the hard way.
5. Being aware of how you talk to yourself – I used to do a lot of negative self talk and put myself in bad mood. But I now make conscious efforts to avoid this and if I ever catch myself doing that – as a punishment I write 5 good things about myself. This practice has made me recognize so many nice attributes about myself.
6. Follow the answers of what you need right now. – In life as we progress all our collection of answers of right now’s is ultimately what you need in life. It might not make sense but make a to-do list and learn to prioritize and you will eventually find the right answers.
7. Meditate – In all honesty, I do not meditate everyday because I am
little impatient and sitting still takes a lot of effort. My favorite way is to do it is, in the morning and lying down on my yoga mat or on my bed, because lying down, listening to my breath, I can
feel the earth energy transcend me to another place. You have to
experience it to believe it. I also put some Waheguru Simran on loop or even Gayatri Mantra and just repeat it in my head to avoid any thoughts. If i
have thoughts then i tell my mind i acknowledge it, accept it and it fades away.
little impatient and sitting still takes a lot of effort. My favorite way is to do it is, in the morning and lying down on my yoga mat or on my bed, because lying down, listening to my breath, I can
feel the earth energy transcend me to another place. You have to
experience it to believe it. I also put some Waheguru Simran on loop or even Gayatri Mantra and just repeat it in my head to avoid any thoughts. If i
have thoughts then i tell my mind i acknowledge it, accept it and it fades away.
8. Habits and rituals – Ritual is something you do every morning/ afternoon or evening irrespective of the day. I always start my morning with a prayer and then writing 3 things that I am grateful for (I use an app called Gratitude) and then my to-do
list. Sometimes I try and meditate. (trying to build this habit) My favorite night ritual is applying foot cream, wearing socks and talking to my parents before I sleep.
list. Sometimes I try and meditate. (trying to build this habit) My favorite night ritual is applying foot cream, wearing socks and talking to my parents before I sleep.
9. Discipline – the act of following through the promises you make to yourself. Example, if you have promised yourself that you will read a particular chapter or finish that one episode and shut down the TV/ Laptop then do it. Follow through. Because if you cannot keep the promise you make to yourself then you have no right to expect it from others.
10. Learn to question your thoughts – you are not your thoughts, you are the person who thinks these thoughts. Let me explain, I always tend to think a lot about my current job. Is it good enough? Am i doing the right things? It leads me to have imposter syndrome but then I consciously check with myself with the 5 Why’s technique and it helps.
11. Question your stories and facts – We suffer over things that are not facts. Observe thoughts and make believe stories. This I have observed a lot of people do specially when a friend or a date cancel or don’t call/ text you back as expected. We tend to overthink and assume maybe it was something I said or over did which is why he might be ghosting me or hasn’t texted in 2 days. But we need to realize these are just make believe stories we tell ourselves and it’s never you.
12. Learn to recognize your ego – i learnt this through a self love workshop i attended of a famous writer I follow. This kind of goes with the above 2 points. Ego had multiple definitions if you google it. My understanding is that Ego is an interpretation of things that you tell yourself. There is nothing wrong with having
an ego – but it needs to be regulated. The problems arise when it affects your decision
making, your mood, or it turns you into a victim, an underdog, or it
makes you feel superior to others in order to justify your behavior.
an ego – but it needs to be regulated. The problems arise when it affects your decision
making, your mood, or it turns you into a victim, an underdog, or it
makes you feel superior to others in order to justify your behavior.
13. Identify things that are not good for you. – I love parties or maybe that’s what I assumed, my perspective of a party is having some games, good food, limited know people and of course dancing! Clubbing is something I know is not good for me but occasionally I indulge it only with the people I care.
14. Do not be an enabler – especially in things or discussions which are not good for you. If your sibling is calling you out and deflecting when you try to talk to him about his issues and you listening to it and trying to reason out is enabling. Because being an enabler puts you in a bad mental space.
15. Self worth/ Self Respect : related to being, not doing. Sit with yourself and figure out your self worth by identifying who you want to be and how you want to be defined as in a society/ community. And no matter what anyone tells you, you need to learn to be your own person even if its deemed as unpredictable by people around you.
16. Things that are not your responsibility ( earn love, strive for validation/ approval, fix anyone, manage what others think.) – I am still learning this. Growing up i had a constant need for external validation and it was only from the people i care about. Sometimes I smothered them with so much care it was suffocating. Currently, for instance some people in my life think I am being too picky about marriage and they always call this out and let me know about it. I tend to ignore it because I have some great support of my parents and have reached an stage of acceptance that something’s will always be out of my control.
17. Have uncomfortable conversations with yourself – For me, this has always been about my emotional eating habits and my health. I also like taking feedback about my behavior and habits from my close friends and family, it helps me be a better version of myself.
18. Make the physical space your own – During my childhood I always used to share the room with my brother, but I always had one cupboard rack or a table drawer with my things. Even today I have a pink themed room and once in every 4-5 months I use marie kondo method on my space to spark joy.
19. Learn how to say no. Draw your boundaries and respect others boundaries. – I am a vegetarian and I usually do not like people trying the orts of food left in my plate. During my master’s I had a lot of arguments with people around me with regards to sharing spoons and plates between veg and non-veg dishes. Over a period of time, I found some best people who respect and accommodate this boundary I set.
20.
Talk about what boundaries do to relationships – understand difference between control vs. boundaries – This is something I face with my parents majorly, it’s them telling me not to travel so much during covid, or with respect to marriage, career or even not being active enough to respond to their texts. I had series of difficult conversations with them to explain the difference between control and boundaries and it has helped me so much to make my relationship with my parents stronger.
Talk about what boundaries do to relationships – understand difference between control vs. boundaries – This is something I face with my parents majorly, it’s them telling me not to travel so much during covid, or with respect to marriage, career or even not being active enough to respond to their texts. I had series of difficult conversations with them to explain the difference between control and boundaries and it has helped me so much to make my relationship with my parents stronger.
21.
Make peace with disappointing others – You will disappoint your family and friends on a lot of occasions. I always do and might continue doing it but for the right reasons, but the people who care about you and your needs will understand and eventually come around.
Make peace with disappointing others – You will disappoint your family and friends on a lot of occasions. I always do and might continue doing it but for the right reasons, but the people who care about you and your needs will understand and eventually come around.
22. Be careful about expectations that you have not voiced out. – I was in a long distance relationship but I was never serious about it as I was focusing on my career at that time. The guy never voiced out how serious he was about me and had considered me to be the one! I never knew this and hence did not pay heed to it at all. Eventually because of the expectations he had built in his mind, he said a lot of nasty things and it led to conflicts. I was also guilty for not communicating my expectation about our situation-ship and eventually had to let go of the person. So now I take extreme care about voicing out whenever wherever required.
23. Make a list of all the things you are sacrificing for others/ close friends/ family – Do not do it mindlessly – This does not mean sacrificing your pocket money you give to your younger brother. It means making a conscious effort of doing things for people only if you want to. If your friend calls you in the middle of the night to eat dosa or ice cream – do not do it for the fun of it knowing that you have work the next day. As a famous quotes says “you cannot pour from an empty cup, take care of yourself first”
24. Never
let your inner child die – The best example for this I can share is about my birthday. I love birthday’s irrespective of whose it is. On my birthday i love throwing a grand party and over-hyping myself by voicing out my birthday month/ week or day. A lot of people tell me this is so immature and childish but do not listen to them. My mantra “You do you always”.
let your inner child die – The best example for this I can share is about my birthday. I love birthday’s irrespective of whose it is. On my birthday i love throwing a grand party and over-hyping myself by voicing out my birthday month/ week or day. A lot of people tell me this is so immature and childish but do not listen to them. My mantra “You do you always”.
25. It’s okay to lose people – I have lost a lot people emotionally and mentally over the years. This made me have so many anger issues because it made me feel like i wasted my time in that particular relationship. But let me tell you a secret – the love you gave in that moment was never a waste, because you did it with your whole heart and if circumstances are such where you have to let go, then I pray that you have the courage to let go and make space for the new people to come in your life.
This I believe are some of the best practices and lessons I learnt over the years. I hope this helps you. Do tell me if it does, maybe there is something I can learn from you 🙂
In Folds Of Smile 
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