In Folds Of Smile

Ah, the end of the year – that magical time when the calendar gaslights us into believing we can shed 12 months of chaos like glitter from a party dress. As I sit here, letting the final days of 2024 marinate, I find myself reflecting on the wild ride this year has been. But this time, I’m not waiting for the calendar to wave its magic wand. I’m chucking out the emotional baggage myself – and trust me, some of these bags have been paying excess fees for years.

It’s been exactly four months since I came back home. Endings used to scare me, but now I see them differently – less like full stops and more like dramatic ellipses. Endings sneak in like uninvited party guests. Some slip by quietly, others kick down the door demanding attention. Regardless, they always leave crumbs of meaning behind. This blog was inspired by a picture I found on Instagram titled “Different Ways to Look at an Ending.” (Because nothing says deep reflection like an Instagram post). So, how do I frame this closing chapter of 2024? Was it a year of alignment, resilience, or rediscovery? Maybe all of the above – like a chaotic yet oddly satisfying buffet.

One of the highlights of my year is getting a new job that I absolutely love. It’s fascinating – involving AI and machine learning. I can’t reveal much (cue the mysterious spy music), but I know this – I’m obsessed. It’s been a bright spot and a huge source of happiness.

I am also profoundly grateful for my mother – for the late-night gossip sessions, for being my human diary, for listening to my endless monologues, for keeping my favorite snacks stocked, and for being my biggest cheerleader. Mom, you’re the MVP.

Reconnecting with old friends has been another unexpected win. Thanks to them, I found resources to pray, heal, and somehow not set my life on fire. I attended a few weddings, danced until my legs staged a protest, and reunited with even more old friends. Watching everyone grow up, start families, and adult like pros? Heartwarming. Slightly terrifying. But mostly heartwarming.

December 17th was my aunt’s birthday – the first since we lost her in May. Her daughters, aged 10 and 22, have been navigating grief, and the day felt like a weighted blanket. My younger cousin was sick, and we leaned on each other as a family. The panic attack that followed? Not so festive. How do you explain to a child why their mom isn’t there? My cousin looks exactly like her. I read a letter she wrote to her mom – it wrecked me. She asked her Secret Santa for a journal this year. So, guess what she’s getting. That same day, my car was returned (finally) – but that’s a tale for another blog.

As for the things I’m dumping in 2024 – fear tops the list. It’s been my clingy, overprotective sidekick for too long. Fear of the “what ifs,” the “how wills,” and my personal favorite – the “what possessed me to think this was a good idea?” But I’ve decided: fear can Uber itself home.

Honestly, worrying about the future feels like paying for Wi-Fi on a plane I’m not even on. I’m done. I’ll deal with “future me” when she arrives, probably disheveled but alive.

To the people who ghosted me this year – thank you. Seriously. You’ve made me self-sufficient and an expert at imaginary courtroom arguments. But in the interest of carrying lighter luggage, I’m letting it go. Grudges are too bulky. I need space for dance playlists and less consumerism.

This year was full of “Why me?” moments. I pray. I recycle. I mind my business. So why me? I miss my independence – the freedom to live wildly, but legally. However, maybe this is just another chapter in my “plot twist” era.

Instead of doom-scrolling through disappointments, I’m blasting music and dancing in the kitchen like I’m headlining a concert. Gratitude will be my opening act. If you catch me whispering “thank you” to the fridge, just go with it. I’m diving into healthy living – begrudgingly. If you see me eating salad, send thoughts and prayers. Meditation is happening too – unless my brain decides to draft grocery lists mid-Om.

I’m not speed-running into 2025. I’ll glide in, coffee in hand, savoring the small wins. If all I do is keep breathing and avoid misplacing my phone, I’ll call it a triumph.

Here’s to shedding fears, softening grudges, and dancing more. May our emotional baggage miss the connecting flight, and may the only weight we carry be the good kind – like blankets and puppies.

I discovered a strength I never knew I possessed. And that is: every emotion, no matter how intense, eventually simmers down. A part of your story will always haunt you, but facing it is where the magic happens. Change won’t kill you. I promise. And no, you’re not too cool to feel things deeply. Sometimes you need to break the cycle – or maybe just hit replay. Either way, you know what needs to shift. Be brave, march on… but don’t trip over your own feet!